puke puke puke

so i just came home from a pretty crazy night. and it was fun and i had fun and it's all good.
i come home and straight to my brother's room cause i wanna tell him about it and BUMM. everything turns around. he's depressed. he hates me because i said we should stay for almost two more weeks of the summer. he hates me. this is when my stomach turns around. i wanna puke. i feel horrible. i don't know, should i feel horrible? i mean, what am i guilty of? i tried to help him so bad. i didn't know he feels this bad. i'm so worried of people i like who are depressed. i'm never scared when i'm depressed cause i know i'm not gonna kill myself. i have the control. i don't have the control about my brother though. i mean, he's not gonna kill himself. and i shouldn't be responsible for him. i'm too young for a responsibility like this. and he's my OLDER brother. i wanna puke. i hate myself because i had fucking fun! hey, why can i not have fun, why does that make me a bad person ? i'm not his mother. i wish he had friends. i wish he'd be happy. but the fact that i know for sure he's gonna ignore me when we're back in germany and he's with his friends is kind hard to take, too. he'd never go out with me. he might not even say hi when he sees me. and i wanna puke my freaking gutts out just because i'm having fun and he doesn't. i don't wanna be hated. i love him i guess.