Where is my mind?

i feel like i'm trying to be my own psychologist. i think i really do understand myself. the only thing that i don't have is a cure, a solution. i don't need anybody to define me. although it'd be interesting.
as more time passes, people like me less. i truly believe so and it's really sad. why is that ? are they bored now? am i less special because i became a "normal" (yeah i know define normal) high school kid? and why do i have to fight for friendships when my friends don't try at all. i kinda want to give up, but maybe i better try to keep this friendships alive for another 6 weeks (or is it only five now?)
my parents liked the musical! they didn't say a negative word about me and that's GREAT. :)

i'll probably cry at the last choir concert and i'm really bad at crying in front of people, but hey, whatever...
oh garden state disappointed me a little. i think zach baff should not have gotten that part, but i think he directed it, too, so maybe he's just not good at multitasking. or he only wanted to make out with natalie portman (i'd completely understand that).
school is SO depressing. i walk through the hallways and all i can think about is how much i'd love to stick my pencil right through my head. BAM. i am gross and i am sorry for being gross. it's not that i think nobody would care if i'd do that (my family would care... and some other people too i guess). i just don't understand certain people. and the world.
my stomach hurts cause i can't resist refills. five diet pepsi in an hour are definitely too much.

i wanna get smashed. and run through the streets and be happy and loud and vulgar and without any worries. good night