all the single ladies

i love my live club.
soooo soooo much.
so i went out and i gotta admit it i was planning on making out with some random guy. and i actually found THE perfect victim :)
he's from thailand. i've never kissed an asian before so that was pretty sweet. and he's cute. if i see him again this week we might make out again as well. not quit sure though.


but i noticed something and my best friend shares my opinion: i have crushes on "bad boys" all the time, but i end up with the nice guys tout le temps. to say it in french. not even on purpose. i guess nice guys like me cause they think i'm a "bad girl". which is not the case. i pretend to be one, but to be honest i am very very shy. the only reason i am so open is that i'm a completely different person when i'm not alone. i might have two personalities.
it's weird. and i'm fully aware of it. so let's call the shy one susie. cause she's definitely more me. susie wouldn't flirt with a random hot guy cause she would think that he would hate her cause she's ugly and weird.
and then there's the other one. let's call her mia. mia rakete ;).. mia knows boys. mia knows exactly what boys like her about her. mia would flirt with some random guy. she would never show her "susie - side". ever.

ha i think i'm funny. not really though.

so i broke up with nico yesterday. FINALLY.
i had to. i told him that it was because i wouldn't want to fall in love with him. i don't know if that's the truth. fact is i kind of just wanna be single and free. and i want him to be able to fuck any girl at his university he wants to fuck. it sounds harsh but i just don't like relationships and responsibilities. i think i regret even dating him as well. it was the dumbest thing ever to be exact. i lost my brother's trust. well it's done now. anyway, nico now thinks that i'm a psycho. "the girl who doesn't want to feel". i kind of am a psycho but i bet he feels like he could have helped me but he really would not be able to. sorry.

and also i feel like this one big romance you experience once in a lifetime (or not at all) happened to me already. and i just gave it away cause i hate romance. and plans. i'm too spontanious. well if i would have met my ex at university or after, i probably would have made him the happiest guy alive. but as it happened too early i broke his heart about 100 times. i'll break way too many hearts in the next couple of years.
but i'm honest at least. i tell every guy who starts to like me that i'm gonna break his heart, hate relationships, love and guys in general, oh and that i never feel anything in general.

alright. so this is it. i miss my ex. i feel like cutting myself again. it's funny, if anybody (like my parents for example) would ever read this, i just might be dying.

god it's been a long time.

since even thinking of blogger.com

but i'm pissed now. i wanna write when i'm pissed. cause nobody would listen. i could call nico, but i do not feel like that cause he's been bitchy today. so my best friend is sleeping over at my house today and has been on the balcony with my brother for the last 90 minutes. i do have the right to be mad at her.. but i'm not and it's supring me.
this is not the first time. but when i spend an hour at some party with another guy just to talk it's the biggest scandal ever, cause oh yeah i'm stealing aaaaaaaaall the attention and i'm not there for my friends. ya right. fuck yourself.
i'm sick by the way. of school. and of life in general. i'm so emo, i'm embarassed.
i'm gonna work out tomorrow and i don't care if that's bad for me.
and i can drive my vespa now. and i can't stop eating m&m's. i feel like i have to puke later.
should i go to bed now? who knows how long they're gonna stay on the balcony? like isn't she even thinking?

gosh i hate life.
i need alcohol.

i'm having my first hangover ever

okay hey what do you want me to do, what the fuck?
my boyfriend (yes he is my boyfriend now) is gone for two weeks and he might actually be in the airplane my parents will take too when they come back. what a coincidence. i'm picturing my brother and me picking up my parents and meeting nico and his family there, too. how awkward would that be..?
so today nico called me from the u.s. (which is the most expensive shit ever) when my best friend was over at my house. she only had an hour to hang out with me so she got supermad when i talked to nico for 25 minutes. the thing is, he most likely won't call me very often the next two weeks (probably twice. or once.) and i see my best friend every single day. and i'd even see her longer if her grandma wouldn't be stupid and jealous. and i ditched nico for miriam on the last night before he left. i mean, am i not a good person? i want some appreciation. argh.
i hate camping by the way. it's even worse without a mattress and sleeping bag.
oh nico's grandparents already know about me and my parents haven't even accepted yet that i broke up with my ex. god.
i ran out of cigarettes. the whole idea of quitting didn't work out that well i guess. i need to sleep, otherwise my head will burst. miriam is gonna come to my house later and she'll wake me up but i'm not gonna tell her that i actually slept cause if i did she'd think i'm mad she came. gooooooooooood. annoying. annoying. annoying.
please remind me that i still love her a lot.

i had my first car crush.

my life's so so so much like a stupid soap opera right now. i mostly hate it, but i feel like i'd hate a boring life as well.
so yeah i had my first car crush. it was 4am, i was driving my best friend's car, it was raining and very dark, and we crashed into my neighbour's garage. it looks unbelievable bad now but i'm gonna pay for the higher insurance and hopefully it's gonna be alright. nobody should know that i was driving though cause yeah i don't even have a licence AND i was drunk as hell. my friend and i shared a whole bottle of wodka, which is kind of a lot.
and i did not keep the promise i gave my brother, but i'm just not able to do so. i like this guy too much.
so yeah we stayed at home after that crash and then my brother and his friends came home, too. and they started yelling at my friend and she started crying and holy shit. then they all left the house and made me wait inside, and i called this guy i really like and asked him what i should do and stuff.. so he came over too and he and my brother got to talk about "it". it means us i guess.
yeah, their friendship's probably over. he's moving away in two months anyway. and he's TWENTY. freaking freaking twenty.
i should quit drinking. i quit smoking yesterday :D ...
it's too expensive. and bad for me and my voice. and i'm gonna start running on tuesday.
taylor made me do it. i love taylor!

you never get what you want

so it has to be over now? i guess so. i can't imagine it being over.
my brother forced me to break up with him, although we're not even dating.
well wouldn't it be easy if there weren't any difficulties?

i'm lacking a goal in my life right now. i signed up for german idol. just for fun though, it's a huge joke and my parents don't even know about it yet.

my brother said lots of bad things about me. i cried when i left his room. he said i'm pretending to be somebody i'm not and i tell everybody how good i am, but i really only do what i wanna do without caring about anybody else but me. i don't think that's the truth, i just feel like people underestimate me, so i don't tell them everything i do cause they'd thing i wouldn't be able to handle it. i don't look very mature and i may not seem like i'm very mature, but i'm strong on my own, i really am. but if you don't even try to really get to know me, i won't give you a chance.

you never gave me a chance.

oops

yeah i deleted my last post. why do i even write shit like that? i can't even remember writing it and i wasn't drunk at that point of time.
anyway, i slept over at his house yesterday night. he's a good guy. :D
and we are still not officially dating. i wish my brother would have had a girlfriend before. maybe he's asexual? i know he's not gay, he likes girls. if he doesn't have to talk to them.

ok i'm gonna do some online shopping now. i need more clothes.

i like him

i like him i like him i like him i like him i like him i like him






and he likes me back :)

houseparty

i'm having ten friends over tonight. if somebody pukes in my living room i'm gonna hit him. it's gonna be a him, my girlfriends have more self control. i wrote another song about my ex. i really like it :) i'm getting better.

i miss my brother and his friends. i don't know if i miss him more or my friends. it might be a tie. mariana is coming over today, i'm kinda excited what she's gonna tell me. and we had another houseparty at my math teacher's. :D but he didn't allow me to drink more after a couple of drinks, although i was pretty sober. ha. already i can drink a lot, although i only drank for two weeks. i might have overdone it a couple of times but it's all good.

i wanna make some music now. lalala

Michael Jackson is dead?

I just saw it on TV. Poor guy...

I love my life! I love my life. I love my life? I haven't said that for such a long time, but i love it. Although there are problems and everything, but still... Wow :O. Everything's so good. And I have a serious crush. I think he might have one too. :) Buuuut he's almost 21. Ooops. And my brother's best friends. Double Ooops. But it feels oh so good <33

and here a picture with my favorite person ever:

guys guys guys

i think i like making out so much because it makes me feel good, pretty, desirable, and oh well sexy. i don't know if it's a good thing that i kinda "need" it for my self-confidence. is 22 too old?

i went to my german school today and it was fun in the beginning but i got very depressed somehow, i don't really know why. maybe still because of this other guy. aaaaaaaaah... fuck. can i be 20 please?

i got a headache. i want new clothes. mine don't fit in my closet anymore though. so maybe not?

i bought a new straightener. my american one is better and looks nicer too but oh well. it's all good. right?

and i'm smoking way too much right now. same with drinking. i need to stop.

OH ONE GOOD THING :) :) :) (yes i'm exagerating but it's alright):
some person from my new job called and said i could start on friday. money! and something useful to do. finally, i'm not just sitting at home or drinking or smoking.

goodnight. i had two hours of sleep last night.

freakin alcohol

my brother is very very mad at me and it makes me sad. i'm not good at handling it. and the thing is, he did all the things i'm doing but 10 times worse so what?

There's a couple of wine spots on my parents' carpet which i'm a little concerned of. But I have two months to get rid of them, so hopefully i'll find a way. I also made friends with my neighbour's wife, she even bought us cigarettes :) What a nice person.

Yes, I hate fighting with my brother. :( I feel bad.

"And it wasn't even bad, and it wasn't wrong either" ♥

what a night AGAIN.

so today i woke up next to one of my friends (who was supposed to be at school at that point of time), went downstairs to look what's going on, found my laptop, opened it and there was porn on it. I do not watch porn :D hahaha. (it was gross porn too)

i made a huge mistake yesterday. i wish i could regret it but it felt good. kind of very good. well i was very very drunk too :/

oh there was a bet about me too. i've never had a bet about me. how do you spell bet?

so yeah i was pretty drunk last night. i still am a little drunk but it's getting better. Monday was hard, too but good. I got yelled at. just a little bit. ha good one... and then i got hugged. and yelled at again. and hugged. and then we made out. and i broke up again. wooohooo

there's so much more happening in my german life it's weird. i just well feel a lot more i guess. oh i wanna upload a party picture from my first night for jacob. in case you think i look like i cried, i did. not because i was happy. exboyfriendshitstuff...

i am shaking.

i can't believe this is happening. fuck fuck fuck fuck.
i wanna die.
i think i'm dreaming. i hope i'm dreaming.
i wanna cry til all the liquid in my body is gone so all that is left is my wrinkly dry skin.

under their shell

this is one of the nights that i just wanna spend crying. but i am too tired to cry.
i'm freezing, that's because it's very cold in my room but i somehow like it.

so i am having this thing with this guy. he's getting annoying. that might sound like the bitchiest thing i've ever said, but i just don't ever wanna see him again. he's so boring, pointless, faceless somehow. i don't wanna waste my last week with him. but he's so so so nice. so i am a bitch. an arrogant bitch.
i'm still not over something (well someone) else though. i wrote him a note. he's not gonna react to it at all. and i'm leaving in 5 days anyway. it's all good. i'm just gonna party as much as i can back in germany and pretty sure i'll be able to forget after a couple (or more) shots.

my goodbye thing was nice. people were being cute. nobody was sad though. more happy. not because they hate me, but yeah. nobody was actually supersad. that's good!

i want to sleep now. but i promised my brother to watch weeds with him later. so well maybe netflix has some good movies to offer?! i doubt it.
i need to go back to germany. I NEED TO DRINK. no joke.

people here bitch way too much behind their friend's backs. i wish i'd hear all the stuff that's said behind my back. i'm really really interested in what people think of me.

and i'd walk through hell for you.

puke puke puke

so i just came home from a pretty crazy night. and it was fun and i had fun and it's all good.
i come home and straight to my brother's room cause i wanna tell him about it and BUMM. everything turns around. he's depressed. he hates me because i said we should stay for almost two more weeks of the summer. he hates me. this is when my stomach turns around. i wanna puke. i feel horrible. i don't know, should i feel horrible? i mean, what am i guilty of? i tried to help him so bad. i didn't know he feels this bad. i'm so worried of people i like who are depressed. i'm never scared when i'm depressed cause i know i'm not gonna kill myself. i have the control. i don't have the control about my brother though. i mean, he's not gonna kill himself. and i shouldn't be responsible for him. i'm too young for a responsibility like this. and he's my OLDER brother. i wanna puke. i hate myself because i had fucking fun! hey, why can i not have fun, why does that make me a bad person ? i'm not his mother. i wish he had friends. i wish he'd be happy. but the fact that i know for sure he's gonna ignore me when we're back in germany and he's with his friends is kind hard to take, too. he'd never go out with me. he might not even say hi when he sees me. and i wanna puke my freaking gutts out just because i'm having fun and he doesn't. i don't wanna be hated. i love him i guess.

and you will find me.

two days ago somebody asked me about the thing in my life i'm most embarassed of. I couldn't tell him. I'm not embarassed of things. I like this.
I also wouldn't know about my biggest regret. I don't regret things. Of course I make mistakes, but I'm learning.
Eva Cassidy is my new favourite. Not really. And I don't love her either :P... But Time after Time is pretty amazing, I can say that. If it'd be dark and i had romantic candles and if i had a heart i'd probably cry when i'd listen to it. But that's not the case. haha
I ran two miles today. I looked gross and sweaty after it, but still. and i ate cake, too. No regrets.
Somebody's talking shit behind my back. when i heard of that, i couldn't stop laughing. i hope she had fun doing so. I really do. I don't think she did though.

what a weekend.

There's way too much that happened. But this was a good weekend. My parents were out of town, that might have contributed to it. And i had about six hours of sleep. Hopefully i can catch up right after this.
I'm a shady person and some people are too nice to me. I don't get how they can be like that. But maybe i'd do the same. I wouldn't know. Actually, I would do the same.
I love Noah. I hope he doesn't read this. But i love Noah. We can go underwear shopping or talk about things you usually don't talk about to your heterosexual friends. Well, things i usually don't talk about to my heterosexual friends.
This weekend for the first time i've actually considered staying for the summer. Not totally really, cause i can't cancel my tickets anyway, but well. Let's say i had these five minutes when i wished i could maybe stay. Just because this was fun. i like going to Perkin's at 6.30 in the morning. Or to Hornbacher's at 4.
I also was locked out of my apartment when i came home at 2.3o am. after 30 - 45 unsuccessful minutes hanna and tay picked me up and we went energy drink shopping. and broke into a house, but shh it's a secret!
i love noemi's and my pictures from the picnic. we do look like we like each other. and i think sometimes she actually does like me, but oh well.
goodnight dear fargo. (i'm gonna miss you)

i called her on the phone and she touched herself.

I’m sitting in the library waiting for Tay to ask her math teacher some questions and I finally got over the stage of feeling alone or weird sitting here on my own. But everybody does, it’s not a big deal. Ha J
I’m almost gone. Four weeks, more or less three weekends. I talked to Noemi and I am really happy about that. I wish everybody would just be honest and talk about problems immediately when they appear to prevent further trouble. Everything would be so so much easier.
I talked to a kid in my English class today for the very first time and I noticed how different people think of me. There are people who think I am quiet, reserved, or lonely. Then there are people who think I’m arrogant, bold, and mean. And then there are people who think nothing could scare me, I’m extremely self-confident, and have a lot of friends. There are more groups. And then there are my friends, too.
I noticed how much little conversations with my German friends on the internet lighten up my mood. A 10 minute chat can make my day. I’m glad.
Trollwood makes me wanna cry a little bit, but it’s okay, I’m not going to regret the decision I made. I’m absolutely positive about it. I’m absolutely positive about quite a lot of things.

Most phrases in this text start with an I. I am extremely self-centered, but teenagers usually are so maybe I’m allowed to, too.
Song of the week: “Wow, I can get sexual, too” by Say Anything :D

♥

this was a beautiful day.

WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME? like really... most of the cast is going out to eat somewhere and i'm not. cause i don't know. cause i feel like i don't belong. cause i'm somehow depressed right now and i don't understand why. i feel like i did bad tonight, but that can't be the only reason and it is not the only thing. so what is wrong with me? why can i not be happy. it's nobody's fault but mine. there's nobody to blame but me. cause people are nice. what do i expect? and i miss being loved. again. i think i just found my weakest point of all. i need to leave this place

well this was a day.

up and down and up and down and up and down we go.
tonight was a blast. i LOVED it. soooo much... and i was the killer yaaaaaa i did not end up as the only one who didn't get chosen. my parents were actually happy with my performance, too, i think i did impress them.

but this day had its bad times, too. i stayed at the choir room a little longer to try out for the ave maria solo, so i was "late" for lunch. fortunately, there was still a spot by my "friends". i tried to have a conversation with pretty much anybody at that table and i failed. the guy on my left was mad at me (i do not have any idea why) and ignored me, the girls to my right prefered having their private conversations in another language, ceveral people were totally busy doing homework, and almost facing me was the person i want to take to the least AND the most. it was more than obvious that i would not be missed if i just would have stayed at the choir room. or in my bed. or in hell.
then, a former friend joined our happy group (haha) and started to talk to everybody BUT ME. and we used to be friends. and he used to tell me that it's sooo sooo sad that i'm gonna leave. and blablabla. GUYS, DON'T TELL ME YOU'RE GONNA MISS ME IF YOU'RE NOT!!!! then he was like "what's up" after another 3 minutes. you know, this kind of "what's up" that means something like "i'm polite enough to pretend that i wanna know how you are". i tried to say something but i felt a little water in my eyes that i wouldn't be able to stop (there's a lot of wrong things going on right now). and i'm too proud to cry in front of the whole senior table (which consists of people who would prefer me staying in hell). so i just got up, went to the bathroom, locked myself in there and started crying. i've never done such a thing in my life. i never had to hide myself somewhere to cry. and i'm pretty sure, if that would have been in germany, somebody would have noticed. but NO FUCKING SOUL did. nobody even noticed i left that table. or that i had stupid tears in my eyes. why does nobody care??? i don't wanna have lunch anymore. i just wanna sit in a practice room playing the piano. but there's only like 2 weeks of school left. should i really not try anymore? should i stop? i don't know. but seriously, how could my "friends" (including one of the people i liked the most here) not notice? or not try to include me? it's not that that was the first time i can't fit in with them. am i selfish? i just really try to think out of their perspective, but it doesn't make me understand.

so an hour ago this "what's up" guy texted me and asked what was wrong. thank god. it doesn't make it all good but it makes it better. we're gonna have lunch together tomorrow and i'll tell him why i was so upset. if you read this and think i'm exaggerating the whole situation you might be right. but this blog does still not tell my whole story and everything that's happening right now. being lonely is not a fun thing, and you do know that though. even more when you know how it is not to be lonely.

i love drood. did i say that? and i miss mariana. and berlin. and drinking. ha

i feel like i'm trying to be my own psychologist. i think i really do understand myself. the only thing that i don't have is a cure, a solution. i don't need anybody to define me. although it'd be interesting.
as more time passes, people like me less. i truly believe so and it's really sad. why is that ? are they bored now? am i less special because i became a "normal" (yeah i know define normal) high school kid? and why do i have to fight for friendships when my friends don't try at all. i kinda want to give up, but maybe i better try to keep this friendships alive for another 6 weeks (or is it only five now?)
my parents liked the musical! they didn't say a negative word about me and that's GREAT. :)

i'll probably cry at the last choir concert and i'm really bad at crying in front of people, but hey, whatever...
oh garden state disappointed me a little. i think zach baff should not have gotten that part, but i think he directed it, too, so maybe he's just not good at multitasking. or he only wanted to make out with natalie portman (i'd completely understand that).
school is SO depressing. i walk through the hallways and all i can think about is how much i'd love to stick my pencil right through my head. BAM. i am gross and i am sorry for being gross. it's not that i think nobody would care if i'd do that (my family would care... and some other people too i guess). i just don't understand certain people. and the world.
my stomach hurts cause i can't resist refills. five diet pepsi in an hour are definitely too much.

i wanna get smashed. and run through the streets and be happy and loud and vulgar and without any worries. good night

i am really tired.

i just got home and thought i would have forgotten my keys so i called my brother to open the door for me. he answered the phone which was really releaving but told me HE WASN'T AT HOME! it was a weird feeling. but i should be happy. and i am happy. i hope he knows that. oh and after 10 minutes of searching (cause i did not want to wake my parents up) i found the keys in my purse anyway.
sometimes i don't feel like i'm doing such a bad job on the whole musical theatre thing, but then the next day i feel like the worst actor/singer/dancer of the entire cast. i'm gonna take ballet classes when i go back to germany.
we went to 17 again with people i usually don't hang out with but it was NICE. i'm glad. although i think i talk to much sometimes, but i'm scared of disappointing people who think i am funny and "alive" and energetic all the time. i wanna show everybody that i can be amazing (although i am not)(this was not supposed to be emo, nobody's perfectly amazing). and i feel like i'm getting old. i give "kids" advise i should have received when i was their age. it's a good and a sad feeling.
i got a good mail today. i think i wrote a good mail back.
oh and i was 10 minutes late for math because i am dumb. but i don't regret it and i think i would do it over and over again. which makes me even dumber. i gotta learn to let go i guess.
why is my brother not at home? i miss him. i wanna watch my new movie with him. i wanna have us sit on my bed and count all the disadvantages of living in america.
i miss drinking.
and i miss old times.
i don't want a boyfriend right now but i want something. it doesn't have to be a guy and i doesn't have to be love. it could be something completely different. whatever it is, i'm gonna find it.

silence

prom was surprisingly a lot better than i expected it to be :) eating was alright, dancing was fun, and the postprom thing kinda lame. but over all it was NICE. thanks to my date i guess :P. thank god, now i can eat again. ha just kiddin'
when i came home yesterday night i felt weird though. i felt sad. i shouldn't have. i wish some people wouldn't have been at prom. buh i hate life.
actually that picture of jacob and me really looks like we just got married.

tomorrow we'll have school again which makes me wanna kill myself. oh and i won this iPod shuffle yesterday. how come i win stuff so often? there's a saying in german, luck in love, unluck in the game. can you turn that around so it says luck in the game, unluck in love ? i should go and talk to some weird people who believe in magic one day. that would make me freak out though so maybe NOT.

seven weeks seven weeks seven weeks. i need alcohol.

symphonie

music makes me feel more than anything else. i'm upset i did such a bad job on my solo today, but it's over now so i can't change it anyways.
i kinda like long busrides but it depends with who. sometimes you get really good conversations out of them. and it feels like you don't have any responsibilities, like the world would stand still and you can't move faster anyways so you don't even have to try.
tomorrow's prom i'm gonna look like a blown up balloon. a pink one.
i really don't know what to say anymore. i'm sorry i guess...
earth song is beautiful, i wish i could sing it.
oh i decided to become an opera singer. i'm gonna try, yes i will. mrs. zietz told me i should, i guess that's why. i wanna be good at what i am doing.



i am sorry.

i need your car and i need your lohove.

i hate being with people who love each other more than they love you. no i actually don't hate but it makes me feel bad. it's a weird feeling when they all talk about something or somebody and you can just watch and try to think of something different to entertain yourself. this all sounds like i wouldn't even like these people, but i DO like them a lot, it just isn't that much fun to hang out with all of them at the same time.
i wish i would understand myself a little bit more. i honestly would like to have a psychologist, somebody to trust and talk to who could tell me wether i'm crazy or not. actually, i don't think i am crazy, i just think more than some other people do.
i'm such a little fake. i'm extremely good at smiling and being friendly and telling people i'm great. it's amazing. is it amazing ? i don't know, maybe it'd be better not to fake smile and yell at their stupid faces. what's going on with some of them? have they ever thought about something else but them? but on the other hand, i have anger problems, i really do. it's embarassing how small my self-control can be sometimes. i had a little conversation with some guy about a week ago, about wether you can or can't waste water and he did not believe me that you CAN waste water, just because he can get as much as he wants. well, DEAR ZACH, lots of people CAN'T. BUMM.
i should be doing my biology homework. or french. or westernciv. i bet there'd be some english to do, too. i don't feel like doing anything.
oh, my computer broke, too, which is kinda bad, cause i have to borrow my brother's everytime now or go online on my iPod. no, actually that's not the point. i bought two new CDs today, and i can't put them on my iPod which makes me just a little mad. that's the worst part. prom's in a week, i better stop eating. ha, i won't anyways, susie's SELF-CONTROL does not exist.
i think my decision was right. or my thoughts. i think i was right and you do realize that now in case you still read this. if you wouldn't have, you would have sent me a mail by now. it's sad. i'm gonna try to stay away from you. it's better for both of us, i know it.
melba joyce was great yesterday night. :]

motherless child

Sometimes I want my life to end really bad. I'm never gonna be able to change. argh -.-*

be quiet world.

so much is going on right now and everything's moving a little too fast for me. but maybe i can practice running so i'll be faster.
i wish i was never fake. i wish i was never moody. i wish i would lose some weight. and getting a face lift or SOMETHING that helped. i wish i was more talented but life can't be easy all the time.
i'm a sad person, i think i got that from my mom, genes and stuff you know. i have little sadness breaks, but then two days later it's the same again. i like being sad though, it feels like "home". yes it really does. and then you can write your little emo poems and be happy in your own little sadness.

babadaba.

i'm tired and sore but that's okay i kinda like it. i look like a sweaty freak but that's okay, too. california was unbelievable beautiful but i can't spend that much time with my family! i needed being alone sooo sooo bad. I made a pro & contra list in my head about "something" i should have never made a pro & contra list about. i haven't regreted it yet but i might later. actually i think i will later. i'm an asshole and i need somebody to talk to really bad. i'll hang out with noemi this weekend (hopefully!) so we can catch up on stuff. this whole weekend i would have loved to blog but i didn't have free internet access so all my great thoughts are lost and i'm the only one who knows them. i like sad songs :) i never know what i want and i hurt people (well actually i don't know if i hurt people) with what i say because i can't refuse to say whatever i feel. aaaawh -.-*



i deleted my german facebook (schuelervz) and i don't know if i'm happy about it but it stole a lot of my time and i don't want to be able to creep on my friend(s) anymore. it doesn't help anyways and this whole facebook stuff is overrated.

isn't nature beautiful ?

and another weekend somewhere far from fargo

i haven't spent a weekend in fargo for about four weeks and that actually makes me feel kinda bad. i feel like i don't live here anymore at all (and i've never really had this whole "homefeeling" about this city). I did enjoy being at home all alone and watching Lizzie McGuire (or something like that, I most likely just spelled her name wrong). I'm using a lot of brackets today! Anyways, it was nice to cook healthy broccoli for myself without anybody complaining about the lack of meat. My nose feels swollen, but the major feeling is numbness (that's not really a feeling, is it?). I'm glad I went to the musical rehearsal tonight (although I don'think I was allowed to since I left school after 3rd period), otherwise my day would have been too boring. I'm less happy about getting up at 4.45 tomorrow though... I hope San Diego offers good jeans :P
I can't believe I'm gonna leave Fargo soon, I won't see most of the people I see daily here ever again. That can be a good AND a bad thing...
I read "The Perks of Being a Wallflower" today, it's a good book, but I've heard people say they exactly think like him (the main character of the book) and i do NOT AT ALL. he has an interesting personality, but I can't identify with him most of the time. and it really does surprise me, that people who don't drink or would ever take drugs identify with him that much. actually, i don't think the story could take place in fargo. i wish i could spend time in another american city, to see if most teenager life's are as innocent as they are here. yes, of course, not everybody is "innocent", but people try so hard to hide themselves here, it's ridiculous. Why can't they/we not all be ourselves, i mean it's normal to mess up during your teenager years.
I better pack for San Diego. And stop watching Austin Powers which will steal some more of my brain cells.

i am getting sick

i feel soooo soooo bad. but rehearsal was good today. and my stupid brother ate my soup, so when i went home after school i didn't have anything to eat and i am a hungry person!!! so i had to eat gross clam chowder, and i noticed that i do NOT like clam chowder. who cares about this though ?

i'm going to san diego this friday, and I haven't really realized that yet. i hopefully will on friday... there are sooooo soooo many people that annoy me, and I feel bad cause maybe it's not even their fault, i just have a "weird" taste in people. the weird thing is that i get along with all kinds of people (i guess i'm good at pretending or flexible).
I plan on going tanning after Lost, if i make it out of my bed. I'm sooo sick ugh -.-*... Honestly I'm sick of being sick. Usually, I enjoy it a little bit to just lay around and sleep or read or watch TV, but I have so much to do this month!

I need money. and love [:

go danger go!

i'm kinda in love with danger from "love of ray j". yes, i should stop watching that crap but i CAN'T.
i do not think someobody is as good at his job as he should be. or as prepared. or whatever... that makes me mad. my back hurts really bad and this day wasn't great at all. but not every day can be great i guess. i wish i could stop eating so much and be skinny and pretty. i feel so shallow the last couple of days... or weeks (?)
oh you can comment my blog again :) i don't know how i did it BUT i did it! wooohoooo. [i never wanna go grow up please!]

how could you?

my mom ruined my two favourite jeans! i wanna die now. i'm actually sad, because i gotta have to buy new ones and i HATE shopping for jeans, cause it makes you feel fat and gross and it's NOT fun. It's even worse than buying a swim suit. (actually, when i think about it, it's not that bad that she ruined them, she didn't do it on purpose but i just liked them.. :/ )
Usually, it's superhard to make me cry, but my parents are extremely good at it. not really today, but it could have had happened. because of stupid little stuff when i feel like i'm not treated right ( i bet it's just some stupid growing up thing and it's not their fault AGAIN).
i so do not wanna go to school tomorrow. i wish i would finde some reason not to have to go. nobody can imagine (well maybe my brother..) how happy i was when i left that place the friday before i went to germany. there's no comparison. NONE. and not only because of germany, but even more because i couldn't stay there any longer. i don't know how you american people do it, but obviously i am too weak or something. 10 weeks left 10 weeks left.

i don't like what i just wrote. i'm gonna go to watch some Rock of Love. Thank you vh1... =)

chicago's not that great.

i miss germany a lot. i wish i had a mail from a certain person, but i'm not mad or something cause i'm even too lazy right now to write one so i shouldn't be complaining. chicago is not that great, it really isn't. the shops are too expensive, the people don't seem to be nice, and i don't get the right athmosphere to be here. maybe i'd have to stay longer to enjoy it, but i miss my friends and school will start again, so i gotta go back. i miss having my own room, i mean, i like my brother, but this has been to long, i do not enjoy family vacation at all. the problem is, that back in fargo, although i have my own room, i still feel caught in the apartment with my family. i can't wait for germany to have the house for myself and be independent and not have rules anymore. my mom paid for my new purple straightener and i'm thankful since she doesn't even like my hair straightened and tried to be nice :)... thanks mom!
10 weeks. 10 weeks. 10 weeks. that's such a short time. oh, i will miss my fargo people. sometimes i don't get why people even like me. i wish i could see myself from up above to really judge what i am like. my mom says i am arrogant ALL THE TIME, my dad says the same (minus the all the time in capital letters), my brother says i'm a "free soul" and a weirdo, my friends say i am sometimes emo and energatic. but what am i? well, at least i know that i am egocentric. that's for sure ;) and madly in love with music.
i enjoy listening to my brother sleeping. it sounds peaceful.

...

and i do not like my family.

chocolate.

I'm hungry. really hungry...

Sex and the City is on right now :) :)

I love Sex and the city. this movie is amazing.
When I'm in the car for a long time I kinda get depressed. But in a good way. It's more like melancholic. Because I listen to music and look outside and everything just flies by me. And then I listened to "How to say goodbye" by Paul Tiernan. It's from the amazing soundtrack of "Nick & Norah's infinite playlist". Unfortunately, I can't find it on youtube so I'm only able to post the lyrics:

Living isn't quite the same
You said to me, it's runnin' away.
If you're scared or tired of what you're scared of
Why should you stay
You love to say goodbye
And always counted all the time
'til he was free
to get up and leave
to learn how to breathe again...

Slippin' out to have a cigarette
with someone else that he'd never met
Ask her if by the way would you like to
run away and try to forget
Just not to stay
To leave without saying why
To get up and go
To catch the last train
To get in some car and drive out again
To never come back this way
Left to say:
goodbye

Paul has an amazing voice. I don't know any other songs of him but I'll google him right after I'm done with this. Don't you know the feeling when you just wanna leave, be someone completely different without your old worries or responsibilities..? I kinda had the opportunity to make a new life without really losing my old one, but actually you can't change completely. You aren't a completely different person. I started out differently, but where I "ended up" now, I see a lot of similarities to my old life. Yeah, I'm not actually popular or anything like that in America, but I'm involved with drama and choir and I'm pretty busy most of the time. Of course, there's differences, I don't go out a lot here (well, where do you wanna go in Fargo?) which results in less alcohol, too. And my friends here are different than the German ones, but I mean they grew up in a completely different world, so what did i expect? oh and i started not caring about my looks anymore, YAY. and i use words like yay :-O.. that's bad. but i'm still addicted to shopping and kid's accessories and my friends and i enjoy SEX AND THE CITY WHICH I AM WATCHING RIGHT NOW. woohoo...

goodnight i'm going to meltin pot tonight. um yay?




edit: new decision that'll make my life better:
i'll never weigh myself ever again.

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.

So I changed my blogger layout about 100 times and I still it's not possible to make comments -.-* GREAT. And if I change it again (cause obviously it doesn't matter it doesn't work anyways) my uploaded pictures will all disappear. So I might just leave it like this.

My mom and I went to the art museum today. It's hard to be here with her , I'm really looking forward the moment my dad and my brother are gonna be in Minneapolis, too. I wish I could be in Orlando right now, too. She (my mom) is kinda mean. Or maybe I am mean. Or we both are. I don't know. But she just called me stubborn and the opposite of nice and other kind stuff like that. And I told her that Noemi's mom is like her best friend and her first reaction was "I could never imagine us being best friends". Um okay mom, I appreciate your honesty...

I wanted to meet Sarah in the mall tomorrow, it's sad she'll leave so I have to go shopping with my mom, but maybe we can separate or something. Or I just stay quiet, just to have peace between us. I wish my parents would know me. But then I'm glad they don't.

I bought two books today, I doubt that one of them will be especially good, but I need something for the car ride to Chicago. If we are actually going, nobody really knows yet.

I'm already boring myself, it's kinda sad. I'll post some pictures from my Germany trip cause they make me happy =] :

Jojo and I:

Alice:
Breakfastcrew (Angy, Alice, I, Mariana):

I highly doubt that we (Angy, I, Alice) were sober: I know we weren't :D : I love her.. :

Weird I don't have one picture of my guyfriends. Or they are all on my phone. :(

I think i'm gonna concentrate on "My big fat greek wedding" now. Or not.. Maybe. Goodbye

25 things

I'm really bored cause my Mom wants me home tonight. She's scared I get stuck at my friend's house and she's kinda right so here I am. I read through facebook and some notes and then I say the 25 things notes a couple of people wrote. I liked them a lot. I decided to write my new 25 things note with my random thoughts right now.

1. Sandbagging would be a good workout if my friends wouldn't be called Taylor and Hanna. They are the most disctracting people ever.

2. Send this fucking text now!

3. I wanna go out of town. I'd like to go to Chicago but it doesn't make sense to leave on tuesday so we might not leave. It'll be a boring week.

4. I can't find my Drood songbook and i really wanted to look at the songs. I think i forgot it in school so I have to meet Ethan soon to give his to me.

5. I'm sad I might not see Noemi for a while, I think the road to her house is closed. I hope her house won't be flooded.

6. I hope not a lot of houses will be flooded and everybody is safe.

7. I need lotion for my hands, they are dry from sandbagging. I have lotion in my room that smells like the ocean... :)

8. Nobody is reading this, so I think I might become too honest soon.

9. I would not want to sleep at one of these shelters they use for the evacuated people. I need privacy really bad.

10. Please please please say yes.

11. So I'm becoming fatter and fatter every single minute of the day. I wanna cry when I look at old pictures. There's been a time when i was skinny. Actually I wanna puke when I see these...

12. I used to weigh 92 pounds with the same height of 5'5. Now i'm about 133 pounds. And i was about 115 pounds in August. Call me Mrs Piggy.

13. I can make it back.

14. I'm really really jealous of you.

15. I was an unhappy child but I didn't realize that cause i thought it would be normal to hate life as a 7-years old.

16. We once did this activity that told a lot about you. We had to draw a picture of a house in a garden with other stuff around it. This psychologist lady said I had a sad childhood but there were a few little moments that were good and my family "stands" far from me.

17. I might be a little destructive right now.

18. Can you please stay out of this ? Why can't we have any other things to talk about, I'm scared that our base for this friendship is not really robust.

19. I wish wish wish I could speak English. There's so much I wanna tell and can't.

20. Fuck fuck fuck

21. I'm doing it again and I shouldn't. I wanna do it again but I might get "busted". What is this all about?

22. I'm arrogant as hell.

23. I wanna be vegan soon.

24. Please earth, don't kill us. That's already my job.

25. I wanna forget about you so bad. So bad... I would never confess how much I'm still thinking about you.


GREAT this made me sad. I never want my children to be like me.

sick sick sick yuck

i hate being sick so much. back in germany, i hated it, too, but at least i enjoyed having the whole house for myself in the morning and having friends or my ex over in the afternoon. i used to love watching tv alone but here i do it all the time anyways and everything repeats itself. i also grew out of these bad reality dating shows mtv seems to love. i watched the breakfast club today and i liked it. i tried to chose one of the characters to relate to but i can't really, i'm more like a mixture of all of them. or maybe a mixture of the bad kid and the weirdo but i bet people think i'm more of a princess.
the whole germany thing kinda screws me up, but i try to stay positive, there's only 11 weeks left and i'll make the best of them. i'm not scared to go back anymore, everything is gonna be alright. i'll have a job, get my licence, live alone and have my friends move in. yeah :) and i'll force them to bring food since i'll be too lazy to cook. or since i'm bad at cooking since i haven't done it for the last 7 months.
sex and the city is on right now, i've seen this one about five times and i still love it. new york is an interesting city, but i wouldn't wanna go there right now. no place to live at. no place to feel welcome at.
i wanna write more about my germany experience but i think i have to see my american friends first to figure out some little things. more or less little.

dreams are my reality

yap, there's a lot of disappointment going on right now. shit happens i guess... don't call anybody bff if you don't mean it you can't take it back that easily. i'm sick and tired. but yeah, there are people who are there for me. and hey, it's ok if that's only two, as long as they are there for you. and they are :)

thank you.

so let's see how well my english still works..

ha finally the time has come to take a break and think. although somebody's on my phone right now, guess who ;) i bet 90 % know anyways. how much is 90 % out of maybe 3 readers again :P ?
it's just "beautiful" here. it's like i woke up out of a more or less bad dream and jumped right back into my usual life. i walked to my old school today and suddenly i felt like laughing really loud and crazy and i did it and it felt really good. it felt amazing. i love to see germany, the old houses, the PEOPLE. my art teacher :P .. ya
when i arrived it was kinda rough though but what starts out badly ends pretty well obviously. i realized i'll miss fargo, too though. it's weird for me to be aloud to do "bad" stuff in front of my teachers. but it's nice. i feel free again. and this is my home. it definitely is.
this should be enough for now though. i better use the time for enjoying being here.

PS: and in the beginning i couldn't speak german for more than 5 minutes without making a mistake :D

waiting in frankfurt

so now i am sitting in this business lounge in frankfurt, germany and have to wait for my flight to nürnberg and it's boring and i just decided not to sleep tonight. that's why i filled myself up with about 5 cups of good black german coffee and some shitty cereal. the flight was alright i guess, i didn't sleep at all and watched twilight (hate the movie AND the book by the way) in english, german, and french. i understood it in all the languages (or maybe i just know the movie by heart now) but i prefer english. it seems so weird to watch an american show or movie in german now and i don't like it at all, now that i notice the big difference. it's about 6.45 am in germany so none of my friends are online or even know that i'm already in the country. and i'm not even that exited yet, i guess i have to see my friends to believe that this is "coming true". i'm sorry i'm boring you, dear reader, but i need to do SOMETHING and eating is not an opportunity since i already gaines fucking 20 pounds in the U.S. and i wanna save my hunger for good healthy and delicious whole weat bread. i don't even know if i'm aloud to be on this computer by the way i didn't feel like asking i'll just say it was my brother's idea to use this. but i'm gonna go now, i'm kinda scared of the idea that the police will hunt me because i was online too long and i can't go home then :(


PS: i like this whole blogger thing

let's get emotional

so since i won't be able to sleep anyways..
let's do something more or less constructive. i'm listening to this the kooks song right now and it doesn't fit my mood at all. let's see what shuffle might bring: some sentimental say anything tune. that's nice.
today was a really emotional day. i cried because i was angry. it's not fun to be around me when i am angry.
i have a headache and i'm kinda shaking, not on the outside, more on the inside. it's creepy. so this is my last night here for now. i love my german bed it's so com/nfy and BIG. i will have my beloved piano back and nothing will seperate me from it :P and my friends of course. oh shit, i will cry a lot. like a lot a lot. i think i'm wonderin too much about what's gonna happen. cause i can't change it now anyways and yeah. i should enjoy my time.
this makes me sad, too. the whole leaving part. this is like the light version of upcoming june when i'm leaving for good. i finally built my roots here, i have friends i actually really like and i'm scared that they (the roots) will break a little bit when i'm back in germany. i think it's impossible to live two lives at the same time, but this is exactly like that. isn't it ?
no longer by the kooks is a beautiful song. it doesn't help to get rid of my headache though.

drood drood drood

okay.. i am like superexcited to be in drood. to get the chance to learn sooo sooo much about musical theatre that i (hopefully) can use in Germany and my later life. i'm happy to be able to meet new people. stuff like this brings everybody so near to each other, it's bounding.

the snow outside doesn't even depress me that much (but the reason for that might be that i'll be in "warm" germany in less than two days!!!). but i wish i had a car.. i feel bad for asking the same hated question all the time: "Can anybody give me a ride?". and i usually know that there's like 3 people who COULD give you a ride. but they are too lazy, mean, busy, stupid, .. or whatever to say "yeah sure". so then you have to find a victim you can ask "(insert name), do you think you could maybe give me a ride?". the person usually says yes (after a certain time you learn who to ask) and you reached your goal. but you (or i..) still feel bad.

i love singing so much. i can't recall a moment in my life when i regret that i spent so much time with music. it is the biggest part of me and i would not be who i am right now without the experience i made because of music and especially singing. i am really grateful to be talented enough to do what i am doing. i am not genius or awesome, but i'd like to work as hard as i can to be as awesome as i can. and if it's still not awesome enough to be a singer later, well, at least i tried my best.

i like to be honest and to surprise people. i might hurt people who don't really know me but most of the time it's better to say what it think. i mean, it's not as if i'm full of mean thoughts i want to show everybody.

there's this really pretty song i discovered yesterday: "The Mouse and the Model" by the Dresden Dolls (what does dresden dolls stand for by the way?). i don't know how to add a youtube video in this but listen to this song in case you read this.. it's amazing. i don't know what it is about i looked at the lyrics yesterday and i couldn't make sense of them. which doesn't mean that they are not good. :) no please dear person (you might be the only one) who is reading this: LISTEN TO THAT SONG. and look for more dresden dolls. okay ? oh and could you give me a ride home maybe ?

saturday saturday..

excitement excitement. it's almost saturday and i'll switch back in my old life for a week. scary thought. i think i will miss fargo when i leave forever in june. a few kids, the musical and theatrical education, and not having my old reputation. here, i'm just some random kid like everybody else wether in germany.. i guess there i'm the happy child without worries, a little stuck up, but helpful and nice. a little crazy too i guess. do i even have an american reputation ?

did i change a lot? i don't know. i might have learned how to accept people better. i'm not sure about this though.
and i gained sooo much weight, i'm like a fat pig with reddish brown hair and blonde roots. NICE.
i'm worrying a lot about how i'm destroying relationships people built up because i left. and i'm superjealous of my senior friends who can leave their hometowns and go to college. life begins for you guys and i still have to wait another 2 - 3 years.
i'd love to have coffee right now. without milk and sugar of course. people around me are acting weird, because of me ?

i'm really bad with this blogging stuff but nobody is reading it anyways so i guess it doesn't really matter. i've had a really good week: musical try outs and i got callbacks and now i actually got a pretty important part and i'm really really surprised. we had our first rehearsal yesterday and it scared the shit out of me. I'm sooo scared that i won't meet the expectations. I'm not that great, it will be superhard to imitate an accent from Egypt and i suck at acting. and we'll have rehearsal everyday so there's no time for breaks. Plus I'll be gone next week so i'll miss a lot. i already canceled the trip to Orlando i wanted to go on because i felt bad about missing so much stuff. Meanwhile, I found a pretty prom dress and i really really like it. and i have a date too yay :)

i'll fly to Germany on saturday and i'm scared of that, too. I hope it won't be weird to meet everybody and i hope my high expectations are not too high. they might be.. i never realized how much i loved my german life but now i do.

today's a snowday and i hate it. because we'll have to make this day up and because i hate not being able to go outside. i can't even go tanning cause suntana is closed. at least i think so, i just called them and nobody answered. this apartment is too small for my family, it kills me...

i'm watching a really bad children movie on netflix right now, i think it's even german but not good at all. it's about fours animal that love music and want to have a band or something like that. it's called the "fearless four". i used to listen to this story before i fell asleep, i guess that's why i picked it.

there's this creepy kid from my school who used to call me three times a day and was hitting on me. i talked to friends about him and they all agreed that his a major weirdo so i tried to ignore him during our open period yesterday. he told one of my friends i just used him because i wanted him as a prom date but now i have somebody else. i don't care enough to say sorry to him, he'll get over it. actually there isn't even anything to get over with. and i wouldn't have gone to prom with him anyways, he scares me too much. i should write more often, it feels good.

i haven't been to the last girls' choir rehearsal and i won't be there the next two times. i feel bad for the director but i couldn't make it last time and my trip to germany is more important right now. and i will miss the north high choir concert which kind of upsets me cause i would have made it without the stupid blizzard.. -.-*

yes i really should write more often. i will for sure.. who cares it's been read or not right :)

music was my first love

i love love love music.. because it's just something that has been with me for all my life and the only thing i'm really good at. i kinda rediscover german music like wir sind helden, mia, juni, .. i love the lyrics and just the sound. electro/indie/pop/something.
today was a good day i guess.. maybe not if it comes to my looks but the rest of it. pretty nice. i'm gonna go skiing with my dad this weekend. i'm scared that we'll fight a lot but usually it's nice if it's only him and me without all the stress.
sometimes i think i'm so different than everybody else that it hurts but then i read blogs and it's like everybody thinks the same. so we can't we all be honest and everybody would feel a little more understood. ?
i love people and deep conversations. i love drawing when i'm not under pressure. i love writing when it just comes and i don't think and my pen just moves over the paper. i love listening to music when i'm not in a hurry to do anything dumb.
i love germany and my friends there and i miss them so so so so so much. i don't think you can imagine if you've never been somewhere else for such a long time. i wish people were a little more "constant". like you know one day you feel that there's like this great chemistry between you and somebody else and the next day you're like two strangers. why is that ? i'm bounding when i really like somebody and that's horrible cause it hurts and is annoying and hard for the other person but what can i do ?
i'm gonna look at prom dresses now (although i don't have a date) :) :)

a new day

maybe that's a start.. i like blogging. i like to creep on people on the internet. everybody tries to be so different. i like to see who really is. so here's just something to get started i stole it from some random page:

A N G E R

1. Are you currently mad at someone? no

2. Which family member has the worst temper? my dad

3. Have you ever thrown something at anyone's face? yeah pretty often

4. Does your face turn red when you're angry? i usually don't show when i'm angry but i think sometimes it does

5. When you're mad do you prefer to stare angrily or yell? i prefer staring

E X C I T E M E N T

1. Has anyone ever thrown a surprise party for you? no :(

3. Which of your friends is most excitable? maybe Hanna or Taylor.. my friends are not that excitable though ;)

4. If you won a million dollar's what would be your first thoughts be? scary.. LOTS of pressure

5. If you could have anything right now, what would it be? my friends right here

Y O U

1. Name: Susanne

2. Where were you born? Bamberg, Germany

3. What's your main goal in life? being happy and a musical actress

4. Do you want to have children? yes

5. How do you want to die? i uses to like the idea of dying in your sleep but i don't really like that anymore..

O P I N I O N S

1. Sex before marriage? yes

2. Lower the drinking age? yes

3. Abortion? depends

4. Recycling? yes

L O V E

1. Do you have a crush? yes

2. Who is the best hugger that you know? probably Noemi

3. Love at first sight? yes

L A S T

1. Person you saw not in your family? Noemi

2. Person you hugged? um.. i don't know probably Noemi too

3. Movie watched? friday 13th

4. Song you listened to? "Bone Broke" - The White Stripes

P L A N S

1. What are you doing now? watching some stupid teenager show about pregnancy

2. What are you doing tonight? some choir rehearsal & working out

3. What are you going to eat for dinner? rice with egg

T O M M O R O W

1. Is: tuesday = school :/

2. What are you doing? school 7 - 3, working out & maybe looking at dresses

C U R R E N T L Y

1. Currently love someone: yes

2. Like someone: kinda..

3. Do they know it? yes and kinda again

4. Is it a simple or complicated situation? complicated.. VERY complicated

5. Does someone like you? yes

I N T H E L A S T M O N T H H A V E Y O U

1. Bought something? yes

2. Gotten sick? only a really bad headache

3. Been hugged? yeah

4. Felt stupid? yes sir

5. Missed someone? yeeeeeeeeees

6. Failed a test? no never

7. Danced? yes

U N I Q U E

1. Nervous habits? bite my nails..

.2. Are you double jointed? no

3. Can you roll your tongue? yes

4. Can you raise one eyebrow? yeah but it looks really dumb

5. Do you make your bed daily? almost

6. Do you think you are unique? yes.. everybody is.

F U T U R E

1. Do you want to get married? yes one day

2. What kind of house do you want? i wanna live in an old apartmenthouse.. in berlin :)

H M M

1. Loved someone so much you cried yourself to sleep? yes

2. Shaved your head bald? no :D

4. Gone to jail? No

W H O W A S Y O U R F I R S T

1. Crush? Marco in 2nd grade

2. Teacher? Keesmann

A R E Y O U G O I N G T O

1. Continue using the computer? nope

2. Hang out with someone today? no just my brother i guess

3. Eat something? yeeeah please

4. Go to school? tomorrow

W H I C H I S B E T T E R

1. Rain or snow? rain

2. Summer or Winter? summer. just because it's winter right now though

3. Text messaging or MSN? texting

4. McDonalds or A&W? McDonals i've never been to A&W

5. Movies or shows? movies

H A V E Y O U E V E R

1. Said "I Love you"? yes

2. Given money to a homeless person? yes often

3. Smoked? yes

4. Waited all night for a phone call? yes..

5. Snuck out? from a friend's house only

6. Sat and looked at the stars? yes

7. Sleep in a bed of the opposite sex? yes

8. Hooked up in the woods? umm.. maybe. i doubt it though. actually maybe no

9. Drank a bottle of alcohol by yourself? yes

10. Hooked up in the shower? no

11. Been dumped? no

12. Stolen money from a friend? no

13. Slept naked? yes but it's not that great

16. Seen someone die? no

17. Been on an airplane? yeah

18. Slept all day? no i hate sleeping

19. Missed someone so much it hurt? yes

20. Fallen asleep during school? almost

21. Been lonely? yes

22. Cheated in a game? oh yes :D

23. Been to the ER? no :)

24. Been in a car accident? yes as a little child

25. Had detention? yes

26. Cried yourself to sleep? yes didn't wer already have that one ?

27. Sung in the shower? yes it wasn't fun though i just tried it

28. Kissed a complete stranger? yes

29. Laughed so hard you cried? i think i did

30. Regretted hurting someone? yes

31. Regretted loving someone? no

32. Been SUPER happy? yes :)